Life in Bali here is really good, i had so much time to really reflect about the necessary things that i have to, especially since the results are releasing in about a week’s time. I don’t know what to feel but i’m keeping this in mind: Whatever my results is, i’ll handle the future diligently and strive for the best. A new year, a new start, i guess i haven’t got used to the fresh days… Fragments of 2014 are still floating in my head! Ok enough, let me do the update so far. I like the idea of waking up to a pool, the villas here are really pretty and spacious. Bali is a nice place, friendly people, nice smelling soap and good food!! All of these take my mind of my worries. I guess this is the main purpose why i insisted to come here for, RELAXATION. I love the carefree life here, there isn’t much to think about, okay this is a holiday so it’d be relaxing anyways. I love the beaches in Bali though some were really intimidating (the waves), everything by the beach feels so good! I remembered the adrenaline i felt as the soothing breeze carrassed upon my face as the waves were huge but it was still comforting anyways. This was supposedly a trip where i reflect upon all of my wrongdoings in 2014 and make a plan to change myself for the better in everyway, of course little bonding time with my bbfl sawarin. I have accomplished some of my to-dos in bali but not the bonding part. Throughout the days, sawarin basically did nothing but checked her phone and eagerly asking me to take photos of her so that she could post a insta worthy photo. Nothing wrong, really but i felt very empty and superficial or even doubtful of our friendship for that all we really do is to take photos of each other and ya. Random thoughts at 12.57? I really don’t know. I hope you guys are having a real good day, sleep tight and warm hugs dearies!!!!
Hi hey ho hiiiii all,
It’s 1.28am and i might be having a slight insomnia, oh…!! So, today marks the end to my secondary school life as well as the end to OLEVELS. My days haven’t been exactly gr8t but i’m asumming that there are more things to come!! I still remembered how i was so stoked for the post o’s events but right now, time feels longer and the days are passing even more slowly, i have been eager to complete my to-do lists but i might have been a little to ambitious in organising my day that i couldn’t complete them all at once. Now…….as i progress and pursue in my education, i am really clueless of what’s installed for me. I’m almost one fifth of a century and it is really time to consider about my future. Well, where do i even begin? Argh, this is annoying. Shall we skip serious talks like this and rewind time back to the days when things like that were none of my concern? (…….) I could still remember the days studying in primary school, the dark blue pinafores, shoes that are constantly scrubbed for a white coat, friendly stallholders, encouraging teachers, artwork where i attended my very first pottery lesson, nice-smelling toilets, stairs which are endlessly long….. hmm memories. And then the first obstacle came, PSLE where we got streamed into different schools according to our academic capabilities… i’ve just completed my O’s and now it feels like i’m back to primary school. Golden days. I’m actually quite confused because my thoughts aren’t flowing smoothly, i’m just literally pouring words through my fingertips… i guess it’s time for bed. Goodnight all, sleep tight. I’ll see you in bit :>
hi, to the future yun lin whose gonna see this. On 28 of October, you screwed up your amath paper 1. This is most demoralizing part of your life especially when it’s a subject that you have put your heart and soul into…. I know how hard you’ve studied and practiced for amath but really I think you could have been more focussed and calm during the examinations. I’ve seen you panicking when you can’t solve a question and this should not be the way. I am confident that you will do so much better if you were more composed and confident about your answers. Yunlin, you know how much potential you have in amath and it’s truly a subject that you love, so… I really hope the best for you in your upcoming papers. Put in even more effort in acing your chemistry and physics. Also, hopefully geography will go well and SS too. It’s not surprising to see you brooding over it because afterall, you’ve invested so much time into your amath. So my point is yunlin, you cannot have cold feet during exams, please keep up and do it once more, you’ll ace well the next time. Get up and keep going! For chemistry, I believe you will do well, but even so, please believe in yourself. I love you very much and please know this.
dearest of all,
you need to know the underlying reasons of all the fights and tensions between our friendship. I believe this fault lies between both of us, I know I am always saying things that are far too clique for you to even accept but I am sticking to my stand. the thing is, there are many many looming hatred behind all of that kind acts that you have done for me. I believe that those times, the acts were genuine but at something feels wrong within you. I could tell from your face, your actions, your expressions, even the slightest sigh that comes out from your mouth, I could tell the difference. don’t tell me that I don’t know you well enough. since we started befriending each other, I knew what kind of person are you, i wouldn’t specifically describe here but honestly, I know your character well but I just cannot fathom what’s on your mind. it seems like you’ve gone through a lot these days, I hope you could share the burdens with me. the thing is, I am not fully comfortable with you. and that is because I constantly have this feeling of you dragging me down, just wanting me as your competitor, this is what I feel (I hope it isn’t true). At times, most of the time, I feel like I cannot fully trust you because you’ll start to have a mini revolution of your impression of you and it’s scary, you have your own set of beliefs that are different from mine and everything we start having conflicting views, we’re only paving a path for cold wars. it scary, it’s scary, it’s scary. I constantly remind myself to embrace our flaws and just put more attention in our strengths but I can’t seem to do that. I can’t, you’re too reserved with your opinions… and let’s make something clear, are you actually jealous of me? I’m not trying to put it in a very blunt and boastful manner but why do I feel as if every success that I’ve achieved, you are always commenting on it. why? why? even at times when I feel down because of my failures, all I see of you is a cunning little mouse who is secretly enjoying the sight of me failing. it’s not nice. it’s not. why are things like that? where did it gone wrong? or we’re just too naive to believe in friendships? were we too careless in words? were you?
I’ve gotta emphasize on the fact that I’m actually sad and pondering over your sad thoughts, this naturally means that I care. I care and I feel for our friendship. I care and I want it back, perfect and unblemished.
… so what do I do?
I don’t even know how to react
sometimes, you need to learn to be less attached to somebody to feel her absence
city lights shining bright, and I’m so happy